Haruhi 05 720p QC
May 6th, 2009
Yeah, it’s that time again.
You can find it here.
Leave all notes for Yuki~
Expect a big mass of [Shamisen] QC later this week.
8 Responses to “Haruhi 05 720p QC”
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May 6th, 2009
Yeah, it’s that time again.
You can find it here.
Leave all notes for Yuki~
Expect a big mass of [Shamisen] QC later this week.
Name | |
Website | |
Message | |
| |
Pretty much flawless except for two sentence flow problems I found.
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20:50 – “Once the blue monster is defeated…” “closed space is destroyed.” Add a “the” before closed space so the continued sentence doesn’t sound like a fractured sentence. “Once the blue monster is defeated…” “the closed space is destroyed.”
21:49 – This is another sentance flow problem.”For the greater extent of destruction the “Celestials” wreak…” “…the more closed space will expand.” in the second part add a “the” or an “a” between more and closed space, so its. “…the more the closed space will expand.” or “…the more a closed space will expand.” I don’t know which would sound better since I don’t know if he is referring to the closed space they were in or just any closed space.
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Just to say I don’t know how they are referring to the closed space since I am not a translator, so I might be wrong with my fixes but in English that is how I think they should be read.
Agree with phoenix about 21:49. I would add an “a” before closed space. I just think it sounds better that way.
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After the first time he says “Celestials” at 21:59 I would remove the speech marks for all the other times he says it.
It reads a bit awkwardly if it’s with speech marks every time.
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Other than that, it’s all super.
Because it’s so superb, I can afford to nitpick a bit, right?
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14:42 – “Let’s just say I give you the benefit of doubt” – This isn’t a big deal, but I believe that the idiom is missing a ‘the’: “the benefit of the doubt”
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I agree about the removal of quotation marks after the first use. I think it’s distinctive enough with a capital letter.
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On a side note: while doing this, I learned a lot about things that I thought were wrong, but research proved me otherwise, e.g. subjunctive mood and mixed conditional. Seems like there’s no end to learning.
@phoenix923 + HeliosVoxyn
Sentence flow corrections are always appreciated. I’ve rephrased the sentences in question, and attempting to make it flow better.
@phoenix923 + Vertend
I suppose the listener can infer that the term is still being used in a metaphorical sense even after removing the quotes.
@Vertend
Lol, ok. I’ll add the “the.”
(Quote)
@phoenix923 + Vertend
I suppose the listener can infer that the term is still being used in a metaphorical sense even after removing the quotes.
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Lol, I never mentioned anything on the quotes for Celestials. That was just the sentence with the flow problem. But after thinking about it, just quote the first time he says it like HeliosVoxyn and Vertend said. Keep up the great work!
Actually after looking at it, I feel that “For the more destruction that the Celestials wreak, the more closed space will expand.” works better.
Koizumi is referring to “closed space” as a collective, and adding an article to that makes it seem as if we’re only talking about one close space. Note that I replaced the ellipses with a comma.
Sorry for the interference but I think that “For the more destruction that the Celestials wreak, the more closed space will expand” doesn’t sound really good.
Keeping your basic sentence structure I think it should be more like; “The more destruction the Celestials wreak, the more closed space will expand.”
Also have you considered going with something like this; “As the Celestials wreak more destruction, closed (confined?!?) space will expand even more.”
With the last structure you avoid using “the more” repeatedly!
@Dooms
Well, the going translation has been “closed space”, it’s a Haruhi-world term. I actually didn’t type it correctly, it’s exactly phrased like the original, only replacing the ellipses with a comma.
“For the greater the extent of destruction the Celestials wreak, the more closed space will expand.”