2:08 – Should be “a backup” since she’s speaking in terms of a backup copy of data.

2:41 – “you have reached the end of your luck” feels a little awkward, but I can’t think of a replacement. I don’t think “your luck has run out” really works.

01:35 – “What?!” -> “What!?”

02:09 – “back-up” -> “backup”

02:32 – “Found out by chance” Sign is late.

02:46 – “you’ll be turned to ashes!” -> “I’ll turn you to ashes!” or “I’ll turn you into ashes!”

03:35 – “I’m going to fix up something to eat.” -> “I’m going to go fix something to eat.”

04:12 – “plate?!” -> “plate!?”

0:17 – I remember the “Honyaa!” was translated to “What the!?” in the episode 3, might want to do the same here.
1:09 – Day after tomorrow seems awkward; I think you should keep it as “Day after”.
1:35 – “?!” -> “!?”
2:11 – Backup is one word, not hyphenated
2:15 – Don’t know your policy on romanizing extended vowel sounds, but shouldn’t it be “Ryouko” instead of “Ryoko”?
2:38 – Don’t know if this was on purpose, but maybe “Yah!” -> “Yeah!”?
2:58 – Remove the “she”
3:20 – “can” -> “can’t”
3:23 – “something” -> “something else”
4:13 – “?!” -> “!?”